Yesterday I made an insinuation about the human fate’s dependence on transcendental factor. Making a reference to god, or even consciously preferring to put the word “god”, admittedly, is a testament to the breaking of my own traditional stance regarding religious issue.
Long time ago, my father used to say that it is wretched poverty that draws human closer to god. Unfortunate events only turn us more intimate to, what my father had always pointed out, a reproduction of a far-fetched solution. Such is the century-old notion made popular by the phrase Deus Ex Machina.
Back when he found enjoyable moment reading about philosophy, my dad argued that the thinkers from the ancient times had made criticism toward a set of structure which is described in the modern era as “belief”, and the institutionalization of the particular order, or known as religion.
Whether the phrase, as a part of these opinions centering around the issue centuries ago, were testimonies to a strong faith or, rather, a retaliation, had been my dad’s subject of ongoing debate for so many years. Having considered my age eligibility, later he let me partook in the rumination.
He was not studious during his formative years, he told me. He was a practical man in difficult times. He stopped pursuing degree as his parents could not afford any. His father simply told him to seek a scholarship if he insisted on getting what he wanted. It is a story he told me hinting at his resentment toward his father.
Likewise, I did not excel in school. However, I somehow become more interested in pursuing knowledge because of the influence he had brought to me when he discussed, and argued, some delicate topics, with me. So I choose to become a journalist. He respects my decision, although he disagrees. Before this weather disaster, I regularly travelled to many parts of the world. I was frequently stationed abroad to make exclusive coverage for days or months at the longest.
I became more distanced from home. I sought, what we generally call here, the American way of life, that is, renting a new place away from home as a proof of self-dependence. Now he shuts me out completely. He never had regrets. He blamed it all on me, but less than he blamed himself.